Question about age difference in partners

On Any Given Day...: Answer me this...

Ragey asks what age differences folks would consider ok in a significant other.

This is something I've thought about a bit: not for me (we're 2 years apart), but because I've had really different reactions to similar age differences in different couples. (both hetero)

Couple 1: She is 20 yrs younger than he is. They found each other to be true soul mates, married, had kid... 15 yrs later they are still madly in love. But, some issues are coming up: she's terrified of what it will do to her to see him pass before she does (as is likely). Also, age/health issues loom, as does just the practicality of how to pace life when he is retired and she is in the prime of her career. Still, I don't think they ever considered there was another option, once they had met and fallen in love. They have a really beautiful relationship, and it has never struck me as weird.

Couple 2: girlfriend married a man 15 years her senior. Felt weird to me from the git-go. Since the other couple *doesn't* seem odd to me, I am guessing that my reaction to this one has more to do with how I see the power dynamic of the relationship. (There's also something odd about the balance of what I perceive them each bringing to the couple. He comes across to me as a fellow with less than she to offer.) He also seems to be the one with decision making power in the couple-- which probably hits a sensitive nerve for me in terms of men/women and power. In any case, their relationship has made me feel not-so-comfortable at times.

More generally: if it's true love, and there are no strange mommy/daddy vibes, age differences can work. If not, run the other way. But, in any case, even if the relationship is right, there can still definitely be (big) issues, if not at present, then later. I see a number of comments that point out that age differences get less problematic as one gets older... and I think this is true if you are talking about the potential weirdness of 15 years difference when one is a teen vs. when one is 30-something. However, other major issues do arise at the other end of the age spectrum as well. (See couple #1) Potential issues may or may not be a reason to avoid a relationship, though, right? I mean, all couples have some issue or another. Many issues can't be anticipated. As long as you realize that life isn't meant to be perfect, and you're both ready to try to make it as beautiful as you can, regardless, I figure you're in pretty good shape.

Good luck in love!